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Hollow Horse Fun

Connect Across Every Division

Sometimes things happen so much stranger than the best of fiction.

These are my notes this July, Friday the 13th, 2007: I was born July 26, 1957 in San Angelo, Texas. Moving little from the West Texas area, I was puzzled at how others interacted while I had such a hard time interacting. I soon reacted with a stance that teachers were to be seen and not heard. I remember the overwhelm of the collective sounds in the classroom giving me little to ground myself with as my development innovated and deviated. I did not envision any sense out of what I interpreted as a maladjusted adult world. I was to not conform so as to ensure that I would not become in any way like the adults I had encountered in my generalization. I attempted to practice not being present in the classroom settings. This may have largely contributed to my distancing mentally and emotionally. Attention withdrawal was my shield of least resistance. Faking attention in the social developmental environments required sudden ways to fade or shift attention from myself. I would say then that I must have started to become driven into becoming undefinable.

I can not not be therefore I am.

My hope in sharing this is that I like to think that this perceived stumbling block predisposition is now my shining stepping stone. This personality insight is one that I like to recognize as developing through the arts. The value of the arts are therefore priceless to me. I wish to thank everyone who has been patient with me. I come from the depths of undiagnosed ADD and ten years in prisons and mental healthfacilities. After I graduated from high school my ability to socialize was somewhat boosted yet altered and shaped as I entered into a world of deviance. Not knowing the truth of my neuro-biological chemical predisposition was probably the largest impediment I endured. Withmy social development skewed by innovation and adaptation, I was very self conscious and did not enjoy the “lime light” largely falling short many goals. Even when I did things well I found things hard to enjoy; my ‘comfort zone’ was not in with the in group. I would do things different like choosing a “road less traveled.” I had kept such a low profile through out my early developmental years that I had no behavioral indication of the things to come. As I became aware of some “cures” my behaviors crossed the line and I was imprisoned at the age of 19. At about 23 years of age I sought mental health alternatives only to be given an ineffective diagnosis that was very difficult to shake off. The mental health”cures” did not relieve any core symptoms. I tried continuously to seek new medications but did not know of any solution other than ones associated withcriminal thinking and thus behaviors. As I found ways to innovate in order to READ for example, I started gaining insights. Many were gained through tremendous efforts practicing meditation, or continued withdrawal from a perceived maladjusted world with emotions time after time haunting me as if the solution was most likely to be found in altering my approach to life. This is somewhat of an explanation to my predisposition and initial first half of my life. My observations in society started in elementary school. My first question was to understand how many if not all felt like I did. At the beginning of the forth grade, I took special notice looking into the faces of the children of the first grade. I noted the smiling faces of the collective unsuspecting students. I made special plans to determine the survival of the smile qualities the following year. I was to not forget. A year later I was still anticipating the comparison and contrast of the potential changes I highly suspected would occur. Then the time came a year later and I did take notice and I did notice that the smiles were largely absent. Real or imagined, I must have been at least partially correct in my observation. If that then I was among many who endured as I did. That gave me the courage to continue as a good person, as I am still today. Let us create art to usher in a new beginning consciously set up better in a brand new land, an artwantedland, to create visual poetry, to say what we always new, we had only forgotten, we had only been asleep. In this mode we can together give voice to that which we have always known, yet found no linear way to communicate or to connect across every division with a risen position conducive to “finding who is seeking.”

Threshold Dialogue

The winning way of words Welcomes you to Threshold Dialogue. I like to write in modes that bypass the screening process. If I were to hear my inner dialogue in an unadulterated mode, ideally, I would need to get out of my own way. Forgive me as I quest in a river of words and let the ego drown, if only for a moment, it is every moment. At best words are undenighed. At near best I look back and alter the wordy waze and judge what is written. I will edit only to shape the salad of conceptual collages using a retro-fitted framework designed surely to orchestrate this method away from madness toward understanding, tollerance, and meaning. In this process I risk all the logical nonsense that keeps us hopeful of a collective sanity. So it would be just like it was this.